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Friday, March 20, 2009


The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by changing a letter, and supply a new definition. The winners:

1. Cashtration. The act of buying a house, which renders
the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus. A person who's both stupid and an
3. Intaxication. Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which
lasts until yourealize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation. Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone. The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign ofbreaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy. Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of gettinglaid.
7. Giraffiti. Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm. The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person whodoesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte. To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis. A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon. It's like, when everybody is sending off all these reallybad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a seriousbummer.
12. Decafalon. The grueling event of getting through the day consumingonly things that are good for you.
13. Glibido. All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect. The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when theycome at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit. The frantic dance performed just after you'veaccidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug. Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into yourbedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor. The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published alternate meanings for common words. The winners:

1. Coffee. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate. To give up all hope of ever having a flat
4 esplanade. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly. Impotent.
6. Negligent. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run overby a steamroller.
10. Balderdash. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

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